Romantic Love Without Sex – Possible or an Illusion? What Does Science Say?

In Body-Mind therapy, we differentiate between various inner parts of love. It is important to distinguish between the "inner animal," which is responsible for reproduction and sexual desire, and the "loving partner," who fosters aesthetic and romantic love.

However, beyond these, there are other inner aspects that shape our experiences of love: the "inner friend," representing deep friendship and emotional connection, the "inner child," seeking playful and unconditional love, and the "inner mother," symbolizing parental care and attachment.

These different inner aspects influence how we experience love and the type of relationships we form with others. This distinction is not only a psychological concept but is also supported by neuroscience.

Research confirms that romantic love and sexual desire activate different processes in the brain. But does this mean that a romantic relationship without sexual attraction is possible? Or are people deceiving themselves when they claim to feel love without sexual desire?

Love and Sex in the Brain – Two Systems with Overlaps

Neuroscientists Zeki & Romaya (2010) studied how the brain responds to aesthetic beauty and sexual desire. Their research found that looking at an attractive face activates the medial orbitofrontal cortex (mOFC), an area associated with perceiving beauty and positive emotions.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, additionally activates the hypothalamus, which is responsible for hormonal regulation and instinctive behavior.

This finding supports the idea that romantic love does not necessarily include sexual desire. While one is rooted in aesthetic and emotional experiences, the other is more strongly driven by biological impulses.

Romantic Love Without Sexual Desire – Lisa M. Diamond’s Research

Lisa M. Diamond (2003) explored whether romantic love can exist independently of sexual desire. In her research on "sexual fluidity," she found that, particularly among women, emotional closeness is often more important than physical attraction. People can develop deep romantic feelings for someone without experiencing sexual desire.

Diamond distinguishes between two systems:

1.   The attachment system, which is linked to love, intimacy, and emotional security.

2.   The sexual system, which motivates physical desire and reproduction.

These two systems can be interconnected, but they can also function independently.

This means that romantic love without sex is not only possible but is a well-documented phenomenon according to science.

The Different Forms of Love – What Other Studies Show

Further research confirms that different forms of love activate distinct brain regions:

• Romantic love strongly activates the brain’s reward system (dopamine release) but does not necessarily engage areas linked to sexual desire (Bartels & Zeki, 2000).

  
  

• Platonic love and deep friendship ("inner friend") engage similar attachment mechanisms as romantic love but without strong hypothalamus activation (Acevedo et al., 2012).

  
  

• Parental love ("inner mother") involves a unique combination of reward and attachment networks, regulating both caregiving and protection (Feldman, 2017).

  
  

• Childhood love and the need for security ("inner child") also influence how people form bonds. The brain activation pattern is similar to parental love since the primary need is safety and comfort.

Conclusion: A Matter of Individual Experience

Scientific research clearly demonstrates that romantic love and sexual desire are distinct phenomena. While they often appear together, they are separate neurological and psychological processes.

Many people experience deep, romantic love without sexual desire—whether due to personal orientation (e.g., asexual individuals), different life stages, or a profound emotional connection that is independent of physical attraction.

The concept of inner parts shows that love is not solely defined by sexual attraction. Some relationships are based on the energy of the "inner friend," others awaken the "inner child" with playful, unconditional love, and others reflect the caregiving nature of the "inner mother."

The belief that love without sex is an illusion is, therefore, a cultural narrative that does not align with scientific findings. Ultimately, love is as diverse as the people who experience it—whether with or without sexuality.