Recognizing Girl Bullying: 8 Toxic Forms of Bullying Among Girls – and How You Can Help

Bullying affects both boys and girls, but the forms and dynamics often differ. "Girl bullying" is characterized by subtle and indirect methods that can have a profound emotional impact.

Boys also exhibit specific patterns. Beyond the classic forms of bullying, the following eight ways illustrate how these differences manifest, along with four key thematic areas: group dynamics, sexualization of attacks, body shaming, and sexualized rivalry.  

Group Size and Dynamics

Boys:  

• Bullying among boys often happens in larger groups, as the behavior is sometimes tied to demonstrations of power or status.  

• Groups tend to act more aggressively, leading to physical violence or overt insults.  

• The group has a clear hierarchy, and the dynamics are often competitive.  

Girls:  

• Bullying among girls typically occurs in smaller, close-knit groups that operate subtly and manipulatively.  

• The behavior is often covert and prolonged, e.g., through rumors, social exclusion, or influencing others.  

• Group dynamics rely more on emotional bonds, loyalty, and control over social networks.  

Sexualization of Attacks

Boys:  

• Attacks may target homophobia or perceived "weakness" (e.g., insults like "you’re not a real man").  

• Sexualized attacks can include spreading rumors about sexual activities or attempts to humiliate through sexual aggression.  

Girls:  

• The sexualization of attacks is often subtler but emotionally and socially impactful:

• Spreading rumors about sexual behavior (e.g., labeling someone as “easy”).  

• Physical attacks are less frequent but carry significant weight, such as sexual innuendos or filming and sharing private moments.  

• Sexualized competition by leveraging relationships or attractiveness to humiliate the victim.  

Body Shaming

Boys: 

• Body shaming among boys often focuses on physical strength or fitness, with insults like "too weak" or "too fat."  

• The emphasis is on masculine norms, such as a muscular body or athletic performance.  

Girls:  

• Body shaming among girls is more directly tied to societal beauty standards.  

• Common targets include:  

  • Weight ("too fat," "too thin").  

  • Skin ("unclean," "ugly").  

  • Clothing or style ("unkempt," "provocative").  

  • Attacks deliberately exploit insecurities strongly linked to body image.  

Sexualized Rivalry

Boys:  

• Sexualized rivalry is less prevalent, as competition often centers on status, strength, or performance.  

• It occurs when seeking the attention of potential partners and manifests in power struggles or derogatory comments.  

Girls:  

• Sexualized rivalry is often more subtle and pronounced, deeply rooted in social and emotional bonds.  

• It manifests through:  

  • Competition over relationships (e.g., "She’s flirting with your crush").  

  • Defamation of appearance or sexual activity.  

  • Manipulation through exclusion or humiliation related to relationships.  

Here are eight forms of girl bullying, how they work, how parents can recognize and respond to them, and approaches for talking with affected children.

Social Exclusion

Girls are intentionally excluded from social groups, leading to feelings of loneliness and insecurity.  

• Impact: The victim feels worthless and socially isolated.  

• Example: A girl is never invited to birthday parties, even though everyone else in the class is.  

• How to Respond:  

  • Reassure your child that they have value, regardless of others.  

  • Encourage them to form new friendships in other settings (e.g., clubs or hobbies).  

  • Help them set boundaries confidently.  

• Message: "I’m sorry you’re feeling excluded. You have so much to offer, and some people will appreciate that. Let’s think together about where you can meet kind people."  

Rumors and Gossip

False or exaggerated stories are spread to damage the victim’s reputation.

• Impact: The victim feels humiliated, misunderstood, and socially devalued.  

• Example: "Did you hear? She cheated on the exam; otherwise, she would have never passed!"  

• How to Respond:  

  • Take the issue seriously and explain to your child that rumors reveal more about the spreaders than about them.  

  • Encourage them to remain calm and authentic, and support them if needed when speaking to teachers or authorities.  

• Message: "It’s unfair what’s being said about you. People who truly know you understand the truth. Would you like to talk about how we can address this together?" 

Relationship Manipulation

Friendships are deliberately sabotaged to socially isolate the victim.  

• Impact: The victim feels betrayed and loses important social connections.  

• Example: "If you keep hanging out with her, I won’t talk to you anymore."  

• How to Respond:  

  • Help your child recognize toxic relationships and encourage healthy friendships.  

  • Provide tools to identify manipulation and act independently.  

• Message: "True friendships are based on respect and honesty. How do you feel when you spend time with this person?"

Psychological Control

Perpetrators use emotional manipulation to gain power over the victim.

• Impact: The victim doubts themselves and loses self-confidence.

• Example: "No wonder no one likes you, the way you act."  

• How to Respond:  

  • Create an environment of open dialogue and emphasize that no one has the right to emotionally control them.  

  • Seek professional help if needed.  

• Message: "It sounds like this person is trying to make you feel small. That’s not okay. How can we help you feel better?" 

Cyberbullying

Online platforms are used to insult or publicly humiliate the victim.  

• Impact: The victim feels powerless due to the extensive reach of the bullying.  

• Example: Embarrassing photos are shared online without consent, accompanied by derogatory comments like, "Can someone save their sense of style?"  

• How to Respond:  

  • Talk to your child, gather evidence (screenshots), and block the perpetrators.  

  • Report the incidents to the platform and, if necessary, to the school or police.

• Message: "I see how hurtful this is. You did nothing wrong, and we’ll face this together. How are you feeling right now?" 

Sarcasm and Subtle Insults

Seemingly harmless comments are used to subtly undermine the victim.

• Impact: The victim feels uncertain and struggles to identify the insults.

• Example: "Wow, your new outfit is... bold."

• How to Respond: Teach your child to recognize these comments and practice confident responses.  

• Message: "These comments are mean, even if they sound like jokes. You can choose to ignore them or address them. Would you like to practice how to respond?"  

Exploiting Group Dynamics

Cliques target the victim collectively to humiliate or exclude them.  

• Impact: The victim feels powerless and attacked from multiple angles.  

• Example: "Look at how they dressed today. Absolutely ridiculous!" – The whole group laughs.  

• How to Respond:  

  • Boost your child’s self-confidence and explore opportunities to integrate them into positive social groups.  

• Message: "It’s tough when a group turns against you. But remember, you’re not alone, and there are others who support you. How can we help you?"  

Secret Sabotage

The victim’s belongings are damaged or hidden to annoy or humiliate them.  

• Impact: The victim feels vulnerable and unsure.

• Example: Homework suddenly disappears from their backpack.

• How to Respond:  Reassure your child that they are not to blame and brainstorm ways to protect themselves (e.g., using lockers).  

• Message: "It’s not your fault that someone is doing this. Let’s think about how we can prevent it."

Conclusion  

Girl bullying is subtle but just as harmful as other forms of bullying. Parents play a crucial role by listening attentively, showing understanding, and developing solutions with their child. Empathy and patience are key to supporting adolescents and giving them the confidence they need to navigate this challenging phase.