Self-Test: Are You Emotionally Dependent?
Updated: Oct 11
Recognize and Understand 'Love Addiction'
Signs of Emotional Dependency
Emotional dependency does not always show up in the same way. Some people mainly experience a strong fear of abandonment, while others put their own needs aside or rely heavily on reassurance within the relationship.
With the following short self-test, you can get a sense of how often these patterns show up for you. Afterwards, you can come back to this article to read more about your results.
Self-Test Results
This self-test is intended for self-reflection and is not a diagnostic tool. The results offer an indication of how strongly certain patterns associated with emotional dependency show up in your answers.
6–11 points: Few indications
Your answers currently show only a few indications of patterns associated with emotional dependency. This does not mean that relationships are always easy, but your own needs, boundaries, and sense of security appear to remain relatively stable.
12–18 points: Some indications
Some of your answers suggest that fear of abandonment, the need for reassurance, or putting your own needs aside may play a role in your relationships. It may be helpful to notice more closely in which situations these patterns tend to appear most quickly.
19–24 points: Several indications
Several patterns associated with emotional dependency show up more clearly in your answers. You may find it difficult to stay connected to your own needs, boundaries, or sense of self-worth when uncertainty, distance, or conflict arises in a relationship.
25–30 points: Strong indications
Your answers show several clear features that can be associated with emotional dependency. If these patterns are causing significant distress or limiting your relationships, it may be helpful to explore them more closely and, if appropriate, seek therapeutic support.
Causes of Emotional Dependency According to Steve Sussman
Steve Sussman, in his study "Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment," explores the roots of emotional dependency, which can be divided into three main categories: neurobiological, evolutionary, and socio-cultural.
Neurobiological: Emotional dependency can be associated with differences in brain circuits for reward and attachment. Alterations in neurotransmitter levels such as dopamine and oxytocin, which are involved in feelings of pleasure and bonding, can make some people more susceptible to pathological dependency in relationships.
Evolutionary: Insecure attachment experiences or traumas in childhood can lead individuals to constantly seek reassurance and affection in adult relationships. This behavior can be seen as a dysfunctional extension of the normal attachment mechanisms necessary for survival in early life.
Socio-cultural: Cultural norms that emphasize the importance of romantic relationships and social approval, along with gender roles and social expectations, can intensify emotional dependency. These influences can cause self-esteem and personal identity to be closely tied to success in interpersonal relationships.
Common Symptoms
A constant need for reassurance: Continuous search for confirmation and fidelity from the partner.
Fear of abandonment: Disproportionate fear of being left or rejected.
Low self-esteem: Self-esteem is tied to the perception of the relationship.
Personal sacrifices: Giving up one's needs to maintain the relationship.
Difficulty being alone: Feeling empty or unable to handle loneliness without a partner.
Submissive behavior: Passively accepting the partner's demands to avoid the risk of being left.
Differences from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)
While love addiction and Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) share some characteristics, such as the fear of abandonment and the search for reassurance, there are significant differences:
Focus: Love addiction is specifically related to a romantic relationship, whereas DPD manifests in various relational contexts and is not limited to romantic relationships.
Behaviors: In DPD, there is a general dependency on others for daily decisions and support, while in love addiction, the attention is obsessively focused on the romantic relationship.
Useful Therapies if You are Emotionally Dependent
Treating emotional dependency can include various therapeutic approaches, such as:
Bodymind Therapy – Body Psychotherapy: Can help you understand attachment patterns not only cognitively, but also become more aware of the related physical reactions, fears, and relationship patterns — and gradually change them.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps recognize and change dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors related to emotional dependency.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores deeply rooted emotional insecurities and dysfunctional attachment patterns.
Support Groups: Provide a sense of community and support from others facing similar issues.
Person-Centered Therapy: Improves self-esteem and promotes emotional autonomy.
------------
Sources
Sussman, S. (2010): In his article "Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment," published in Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Sussman explores the definition, etiology, and treatment of emotional dependency, emphasizing the need for further empirical research.
Gori, A., Russo, S., & Topino, E. (2023): In the study "Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns, and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis," published in the Journal of Personalized Medicine, the authors analyze factors associated with emotional dependency, highlighting the importance of adult attachment patterns and self-esteem.
