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BDSM: From Unconscious Feelings to Kink (with introductory exercise)

Unconscious feelings and needs can often lead to tension in relationships. One way to transform this dynamic is through the consensual exploration of sadistic and masochistic fantasies, known as BDSM. When practiced responsibly and consensually, these practices can have positive effects on the relationship.


BDSM-Spielzeug

From Repression to Acceptance

Repressed feelings and needs can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. BDSM provides a safe framework to express and explore these feelings, leading to greater self-acceptance and a deeper understanding between partners.


Improving Communication and Trust

The foundation of BDSM is open communication and trust. Discussing boundaries, expressing desires, and establishing safe words promote a culture of honesty and respect, which can enhance communication skills and deepen mutual trust.


Why BDSM Works

Consciously exploring power, control, and vulnerability in a controlled environment can strengthen the connection and mutual understanding in the relationship, leading to deeper emotional intimacy.


Insights from Science

A 2013 study by Wismeijer and van Assen highlights the psychological benefits of BDSM practitioners. Compared to a control group, they were less neurotic, more open, more conscientious, less sensitive to rejection, and reported higher well-being. These results suggest that BDSM can have positive psychological effects and is not necessarily linked to psychopathological conditions.


Exceptions and Important Considerations

Caution is advised, especially for individuals who cannot control their verbal or physical aggressive behavior. Such individuals are recommended to seek therapy first and discuss the topic with therapists to ensure that BDSM exploration is healthy and constructive.


BDSM may not be suitable for individuals with a tendency to dissociate. Dissociative states can be triggered or intensified by the intense emotional or physical experiences involved in BDSM scenarios, potentially harming mental health. Therefore, individuals with dissociative tendencies should carefully evaluate and possibly seek professional advice before exploring BDSM practices.


It's important to note that BDSM is not suitable for everyone. Particularly, individuals who have been victims of abuse may find that certain practices are triggering. Careful self-reflection and professional counseling are crucial to determine if and how BDSM can be explored in a healing and enriching manner, rather than reopening old wounds.


In a relationship, the consensual exchange of power and control facilitated by BDSM can lead to a new level of openness and trust. However, it is important that both partners feel safe expressing their needs and boundaries and are always ready to consider the emotional health of the other.


A small introductory exercise

Sit opposite each other and alternate from very light to increasingly harder, playfully slapping each other. (Be careful not to hit ears, eyes, or bones with your hand!) Keep talking about feelings and needs and the intensity of the slap and agree beforehand on when to stop and which words to choose. Talk openly and honestly about the results.

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